My Grandmother passed away this weekend
There are a lot of people who think Burning Man is all about naked people and drugs. Sure, those are both there, but Burning Man is about so much more than the individual people and their choices. Because of our Radical-Inclusion and our Radical Self Expression (both part of the 10 principals the event is based off of) we get people from all walks of life expressing themselves in the ways they've always wanted to.
We have a temple. It's not inherently religious, though some might consider it that for themselves. It's a place where the community can add a piece of themselves to be burnt on the final night. Some people leave mementos of those they've lost. Some people leave notes about the parts of themselves they want to let go of. Some people leave ashes - of people, of pets.
I've never felt a connection to the temple. Then, in 2014 I spent sometime with a man who had just lost his father. While sitting with him during the temple burn, I got to see the direct connection and benefit that this temple brings to the community. I understand the temple better, even without having that connection to it. I'm even volunteering on the temple for our regional burn.
What the temple offers Burning Man is that place to feel. It's not necessarily a place to grieve (though quite a few do). It's not necessarily a place to let go of burdens (though quite a few do). It's a place to do what you need to do. It's a building that manifests the idea that we all feel the strong emotions and we need a place to release or honor them in the way we all see fit.
We all grieve differently.
(Thank you, my burner family, for allowing me this)
My Grandmother passed away last weekend. I found out though my aunt's facebook post. Then, later, via a FB message from a cousin who unfriended me almost a decade ago. I hadn't spoken to my Grandma for years, then only on a call coerced by my mother. We chatted about the weather, I believe.
Don't get me wrong, I love my Grandma! She was my harbor, my safety, during a childhood where I needed a safe harbor. In my childhood years, she has as much a hand in raising me as anyone else. That changed when I moved away to college. We drifted apart. Her life stayed in Fayetteville, with a yearly trip to the beach. I moved to dozens of states and traveled to 5 continents. We were never close, I know very little about her, but we got even less so.
After a while, her annual birthday cards stopped coming, though they would later resume once my aunt and mother were living with her. The calls never came. I lost my Grandmother a decade ago.
Recently, my Grandma has just been a source of guilt - as evidenced by my aunt's post condemning me for posting about the sale of one of my horses, 2 days after my Grandmother passed. I'm sure she thought I should be grieving her way. Grieving the immediate loss. My heart goes out to Bonnie and to my Mom - they lived with Grandma through my Grandfather's passing, Grandma's aging, and the very difficult, yet quick stage 4 lung cancer that eventually ended her life. They saw the deterioration of their mother - the Matriarch of that family. I'm incredibly sorry that they had to go through this. They have a lot of grieving to come, but my grieving is done.
Grandma, thank you for teaching me the joys of the Duke's of Hazzard and The Love Boat. Thank you for letting me circle everything I thought I wanted in the big toy catalog then giving me another Breyer horse instead (oh, how I loved those horses!). Thank you for being such a great nurse, I know your patients loved you. Thank you for loving Grandpa as much as you did (he was a difficult man to love, I suspect). Thank you for taking the family to the beach year after year - those are some of my best childhood memories. Goodbye, Grandma, I love you.
We have a temple. It's not inherently religious, though some might consider it that for themselves. It's a place where the community can add a piece of themselves to be burnt on the final night. Some people leave mementos of those they've lost. Some people leave notes about the parts of themselves they want to let go of. Some people leave ashes - of people, of pets.
I've never felt a connection to the temple. Then, in 2014 I spent sometime with a man who had just lost his father. While sitting with him during the temple burn, I got to see the direct connection and benefit that this temple brings to the community. I understand the temple better, even without having that connection to it. I'm even volunteering on the temple for our regional burn.
What the temple offers Burning Man is that place to feel. It's not necessarily a place to grieve (though quite a few do). It's not necessarily a place to let go of burdens (though quite a few do). It's a place to do what you need to do. It's a building that manifests the idea that we all feel the strong emotions and we need a place to release or honor them in the way we all see fit.
We all grieve differently.
(Thank you, my burner family, for allowing me this)
My Grandmother passed away last weekend. I found out though my aunt's facebook post. Then, later, via a FB message from a cousin who unfriended me almost a decade ago. I hadn't spoken to my Grandma for years, then only on a call coerced by my mother. We chatted about the weather, I believe.
Don't get me wrong, I love my Grandma! She was my harbor, my safety, during a childhood where I needed a safe harbor. In my childhood years, she has as much a hand in raising me as anyone else. That changed when I moved away to college. We drifted apart. Her life stayed in Fayetteville, with a yearly trip to the beach. I moved to dozens of states and traveled to 5 continents. We were never close, I know very little about her, but we got even less so.
After a while, her annual birthday cards stopped coming, though they would later resume once my aunt and mother were living with her. The calls never came. I lost my Grandmother a decade ago.
Recently, my Grandma has just been a source of guilt - as evidenced by my aunt's post condemning me for posting about the sale of one of my horses, 2 days after my Grandmother passed. I'm sure she thought I should be grieving her way. Grieving the immediate loss. My heart goes out to Bonnie and to my Mom - they lived with Grandma through my Grandfather's passing, Grandma's aging, and the very difficult, yet quick stage 4 lung cancer that eventually ended her life. They saw the deterioration of their mother - the Matriarch of that family. I'm incredibly sorry that they had to go through this. They have a lot of grieving to come, but my grieving is done.
Grandma, thank you for teaching me the joys of the Duke's of Hazzard and The Love Boat. Thank you for letting me circle everything I thought I wanted in the big toy catalog then giving me another Breyer horse instead (oh, how I loved those horses!). Thank you for being such a great nurse, I know your patients loved you. Thank you for loving Grandpa as much as you did (he was a difficult man to love, I suspect). Thank you for taking the family to the beach year after year - those are some of my best childhood memories. Goodbye, Grandma, I love you.
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